This sums up what I need to say tonight. Please continue to pray for this precious life, the expectant mom and our journey! I'll write more of the journey to this announcement soon!
Love & Laughter,
Annie
Saturday, September 20, 2014
The Roller Coaster Ride
This sums up what I need to say tonight. Please continue to pray for this precious life, the expectant mom and our journey! I'll write more of the journey to this announcement soon!
Love & Laughter,
Annie
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Happenings....
During the month of August the hubs and I decided to take a leap of faith and hire a consultant firm. We are incredibly excited for this opportunity. It was certainly a LOT of paperwork to fill out, but it's all worth it in the end right?
Well, what I can say about our firm that we hired is this... they are AMAZING! We sent in all of our paperwork, mailed in new photo books and updated everything we needed to do and now the wait begins. Or so we thought. We technically will become an "active" family on September 22nd... well I don't know what that means because since last Friday (one week people..) we have had 6 opportunities presented to us and have said "YES" to 5 of them!
On Monday we said "yes" to a situation. On Tuesday we were told she wanted to talk to us - we of course were ecstatic about this. Yesterday during the middle of the day we sat in our office and chatted with this incredibly brave woman. She asked us questions about how we would protect and love the child she is carrying. We poured our hearts out to her. It was an amazing feeling knowing that this woman could change our lives. We left that phone call not knowing what was next. We waited all night to hear from our consultant and we heard nothing. Nada. Do you know how hard it is to sleep with this looming over your head? My heart was filled with such conflict.
This morning we found out that this mom had chosen another family. I'm not going to lie... it hurt and stung. It is only through my faith that I was able to confidently say to myself and the other people around me that I know and believe full well that God has a plan! God is still preparing our child(ren) for us.
So, what is next? The wait continues. We continue to save money and try to be patient. Most of all though, we continue to PRAY. Prayer is what is getting us through each and every single day.
Lord, PLEASE bring us our baby!
Well, what I can say about our firm that we hired is this... they are AMAZING! We sent in all of our paperwork, mailed in new photo books and updated everything we needed to do and now the wait begins. Or so we thought. We technically will become an "active" family on September 22nd... well I don't know what that means because since last Friday (one week people..) we have had 6 opportunities presented to us and have said "YES" to 5 of them!
On Monday we said "yes" to a situation. On Tuesday we were told she wanted to talk to us - we of course were ecstatic about this. Yesterday during the middle of the day we sat in our office and chatted with this incredibly brave woman. She asked us questions about how we would protect and love the child she is carrying. We poured our hearts out to her. It was an amazing feeling knowing that this woman could change our lives. We left that phone call not knowing what was next. We waited all night to hear from our consultant and we heard nothing. Nada. Do you know how hard it is to sleep with this looming over your head? My heart was filled with such conflict.
This morning we found out that this mom had chosen another family. I'm not going to lie... it hurt and stung. It is only through my faith that I was able to confidently say to myself and the other people around me that I know and believe full well that God has a plan! God is still preparing our child(ren) for us.
So, what is next? The wait continues. We continue to save money and try to be patient. Most of all though, we continue to PRAY. Prayer is what is getting us through each and every single day.
Lord, PLEASE bring us our baby!
Friday, August 29, 2014
4 Months...
4 months has passed since the last time I posted something. 4 months... a LOT has happened in that time. We have been blessed with a new nephew, I finished up my teaching position, I started a new position as a Director of Preschool and a Teacher... there have been many up and down days. Each day we know that it is just another day closer to having our baby in our arms.
Life has certainly been on the move for us, but each and every day we think about and talk about 'baby'. It's 4 months since I last posted something but every day I have things to say and yet here I am 4 months later wondering what I want to say and what I should write. You see, there's this block not in my head... but in my heart. As each day passes we get closer to 'yet another year' gone... Our agency recently sent me some paperwork. Typically I am excited to see emails from our Social Worker but on this particular day I dreaded opening the email. The subject of the email was "home study update paperwork". We are at the point where we now have to fill out even more paperwork to wait even longer.
We know full well when we started this process that it could take a long time. A LONG LONG LONG time. But, we deep down really hoped that it would be quick.
We are trusting in God's timing. He knows full well when our baby will enter this world. He knows when we will finally get to hold that precious life. He knows all. Until then, we continue to pray, hope and dream!
Life has certainly been on the move for us, but each and every day we think about and talk about 'baby'. It's 4 months since I last posted something but every day I have things to say and yet here I am 4 months later wondering what I want to say and what I should write. You see, there's this block not in my head... but in my heart. As each day passes we get closer to 'yet another year' gone... Our agency recently sent me some paperwork. Typically I am excited to see emails from our Social Worker but on this particular day I dreaded opening the email. The subject of the email was "home study update paperwork". We are at the point where we now have to fill out even more paperwork to wait even longer.
We know full well when we started this process that it could take a long time. A LONG LONG LONG time. But, we deep down really hoped that it would be quick.
We are trusting in God's timing. He knows full well when our baby will enter this world. He knows when we will finally get to hold that precious life. He knows all. Until then, we continue to pray, hope and dream!
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
1 Year Mark...
So I wrote this on April 17th and have thought and prayed about whether or not I should post it or not. I know that I am not the only woman who feels these things, who has ever been in this position and I am not hiding it anymore.
The 17th of April is a day that the hubs and I will always remember.... a day that will live with us forever... it was the day that infertility took everything from us. It was a day that we looked to our family for love and support but received a 'it'll be fine' mentality... it was a day that we didn't like. It's a day that lives in infamy with us.
This year though it was a day for us to reflect on where we have come from in a years time. The past year has been a ride to say the least... The hubs and I were able to take the day and talk about things... where we are, where we want to be, what our dreams are, what our hopes are.... and OH how they have changed.
People don't understand it but when infertility invades your world. Your view of happiness changes. Your view of joy is completely different. Life is completely different. One day changed everything for us. Our dreams and hopes have changed. Our marriage has changed. We are stronger, more resilient and much more of a team than we have ever been.
One year.... that's how long it has been since our prayers of 'what if Lord?' were answered. Now we wait. We don't know how long until our prayer of our child(ren) coming into our lives will be. We know that they will be answered. It has been a year that we will never forget. It is 365 days that we will tell our child(ren) all about one day.
Friends, family and those we don't know, we ask for your prayers... pray that when it is God's will to expand our family the hubs and I will be at peace and know the plans that lie ahead of us!
The 17th of April is a day that the hubs and I will always remember.... a day that will live with us forever... it was the day that infertility took everything from us. It was a day that we looked to our family for love and support but received a 'it'll be fine' mentality... it was a day that we didn't like. It's a day that lives in infamy with us.
This year though it was a day for us to reflect on where we have come from in a years time. The past year has been a ride to say the least... The hubs and I were able to take the day and talk about things... where we are, where we want to be, what our dreams are, what our hopes are.... and OH how they have changed.
People don't understand it but when infertility invades your world. Your view of happiness changes. Your view of joy is completely different. Life is completely different. One day changed everything for us. Our dreams and hopes have changed. Our marriage has changed. We are stronger, more resilient and much more of a team than we have ever been.
One year.... that's how long it has been since our prayers of 'what if Lord?' were answered. Now we wait. We don't know how long until our prayer of our child(ren) coming into our lives will be. We know that they will be answered. It has been a year that we will never forget. It is 365 days that we will tell our child(ren) all about one day.
Friends, family and those we don't know, we ask for your prayers... pray that when it is God's will to expand our family the hubs and I will be at peace and know the plans that lie ahead of us!
Baby B, we are waiting for you. We love you! We talk about you often. We pray for you constantly. You are incredibly loved.
Love you - Mama & Daddy!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
April 1st...
The joke is over. I am so done with reading this joke on Facebook. Thank God people don't text me about it. Think about what you're writing on Facebook, or any other place for that fact.
No, you may not be the person who has ever held onto a thin strand of a possible pregnancy or a child. You may have not had to have test after test run. You may not have been the one to hold your husband/partner as they cry because words come down that it is him that is making it tough for you to achieve a pregnancy. The reality is, unless you've lived it. You don't think about it.
So, start now. Think about posting fake pregnancy announcements on Facebook before you actually do it. Think about the world of people who are struggling with infertility, the loss of a child, lonliness whatever it may be.
The joke is over in my book. It was and will never be funny. If you are pregnant, you MIGHT think about posting it on another day other than April 1st, but if you are, CONGRATULATIONS! May you be blessed with a healthy baby in your arms!!!
No, you may not be the person who has ever held onto a thin strand of a possible pregnancy or a child. You may have not had to have test after test run. You may not have been the one to hold your husband/partner as they cry because words come down that it is him that is making it tough for you to achieve a pregnancy. The reality is, unless you've lived it. You don't think about it.
So, start now. Think about posting fake pregnancy announcements on Facebook before you actually do it. Think about the world of people who are struggling with infertility, the loss of a child, lonliness whatever it may be.
The joke is over in my book. It was and will never be funny. If you are pregnant, you MIGHT think about posting it on another day other than April 1st, but if you are, CONGRATULATIONS! May you be blessed with a healthy baby in your arms!!!
Monday, March 31, 2014
That one word that gets me....
So, ever since starting the process of becoming parents the hubs and I have always talked openly about things we like/don't like as far as the process is concerned. First it was how people treated us or said some things regarding infertility or trying to get pregnant... yadda yadda yadda... if you've walked this road you know what I'm talking about.
Then when we started the adoption process we began to realize that some of the things we used to say were inappropriate and just the wrong way of something something. We have spent the last year of our lives rephrasing some of our words, but we have also worked with others on changing their voice as well. For example, instead of calling a pregnant mama who is looking into adoption the birth mother, we call her the expectant mom, she is STILL that baby's mom, she's not given birth yet, and better yet, assuming her to be a birth mother would be taking away her option of parenting. Another phrase that we have changed in our vocabulary has been 'put up for adoption' NOW we say 'make an adoption plan'. Obviously we are talking about those courageous women who give birth to these wonderful children who then are placed in the arms of an adoptive family. That mother/father/whomever has been involved in that pregnancy have taken the time to think about and plan for this child. They created an adoption plan and that's where the hubs and I come in (some day hopefully) we are/will be the adoptive parents who will have a child placed for adoption with us. There are many other phrases that can make my skin craw
But there is one word that can get me to sweat, turn red and want to boil words from my mouth... It's a word that can make my heart pound in not a good way... my skin crawl and really set me off. Are you wondering yet what that word is? It's CHOSEN. Just typing it has me pounding on my keyboard.
Why would anyone think it is ok to tell a child that they were chosen? Yes, I am choosing to have children. Yes, I am choosing to love them. But by NO means did I walk into a field to search for a child and then pick this one or that one for whatever reason. They are not like animals at the store where I go in and pick one to bring home... They are children, humans, people! I cannot even fathom why in this world of adoption we would think that we are choosing our children. I see it all over pinterest all. the. time. Where someone thinks "hey, this is a really cute sign" and then creates an etsy listing for a "cute sign to hang in baby's nursery"... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Some of the pieces I have seen recently that have just about thrown me into a tizzy would include...
Then when we started the adoption process we began to realize that some of the things we used to say were inappropriate and just the wrong way of something something. We have spent the last year of our lives rephrasing some of our words, but we have also worked with others on changing their voice as well. For example, instead of calling a pregnant mama who is looking into adoption the birth mother, we call her the expectant mom, she is STILL that baby's mom, she's not given birth yet, and better yet, assuming her to be a birth mother would be taking away her option of parenting. Another phrase that we have changed in our vocabulary has been 'put up for adoption' NOW we say 'make an adoption plan'. Obviously we are talking about those courageous women who give birth to these wonderful children who then are placed in the arms of an adoptive family. That mother/father/whomever has been involved in that pregnancy have taken the time to think about and plan for this child. They created an adoption plan and that's where the hubs and I come in (some day hopefully) we are/will be the adoptive parents who will have a child placed for adoption with us. There are many other phrases that can make my skin craw
But there is one word that can get me to sweat, turn red and want to boil words from my mouth... It's a word that can make my heart pound in not a good way... my skin crawl and really set me off. Are you wondering yet what that word is? It's CHOSEN. Just typing it has me pounding on my keyboard.
Why would anyone think it is ok to tell a child that they were chosen? Yes, I am choosing to have children. Yes, I am choosing to love them. But by NO means did I walk into a field to search for a child and then pick this one or that one for whatever reason. They are not like animals at the store where I go in and pick one to bring home... They are children, humans, people! I cannot even fathom why in this world of adoption we would think that we are choosing our children. I see it all over pinterest all. the. time. Where someone thinks "hey, this is a really cute sign" and then creates an etsy listing for a "cute sign to hang in baby's nursery"... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Some of the pieces I have seen recently that have just about thrown me into a tizzy would include...
Yes, because a child who is waiting for their forever family in Africa really want to be taught and to think that they were chosen by parents. All I keep thinking is of a dog store. Please just stop.
No, my child will NEVER wear this. I think you can understand the hatred I have for this shirt... if you can't message me personally and I will give you my full blown words.
Then there was THIS one. Oh. Dear. Lord. PLEASE STOP. YES, children who join a family through adoption were wanted (by multiple people, and NOT just the adoptive family, the birth family too!!!), They ARE cherished now and forever but also while they were in the womb! They DO grow in our hearts! Our hearts SWELL with joy and love for these children! Ugh, missing piece? I can't even go there. They ARE loved, and yes, they were adopted.
What drives me wild is why in the world someone would post this anywhere in the sight of their children. They WERE loved??? How about they ARE loved more than anything else in this world by many people!!!! But as much as my children will know that yes, they came to our family through adoption, ADOPTION is NOT their identity! I will not put it in my children's faces every day of their lives that the hubs and I prayed, planned, waited, cried, payed lots of money or any other fact of adoption.
Now, some of you before you go and start spouting off to me the Biblical scripture about being adopted. STOP. Wait. Go back and do your digging and study what it means. To be adopted by our Father in Heaven, Christ our Savior and the Holy Spirit. We are without a doubt chosen by God. The day that happened was the day of our baptism. Christ chose each of us to be His! BUT WE DO NOT CHOOSE OUR CHILDREN! We are given the gifts of each of our babies. We cherish them and love them, we don't get to choose them.
SO, the next time you think about how your child was chosen please don't say it. Think about what you are going to say.
My children will KNOW that...
They were hoped for...
They were wished for...
They were prayed about...
They grew in our hearts, not in my womb...
They are loved by two (OR MORE) families...
They are the best things in this world.. .
They were worth every minute of wait time...
They are our greatest blessing..
They are our dreams come true...
Instead of any of the above items adoring my walls at home... someday I may or may not hang something like this in our home...
This is what my children will know. We love them.
Be Blessed,
Annie
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Sad Heart...
March 17th, another holiday that will never be forgotten...
It is with a heavy, saddened heart that we said 'good-bye' to my final grandparent...
Grandma, we love you - we will miss you. Say hi to grandpa for us! We will always remember you for being a kind, generous, independent woman! You taught each of us so many life lessons that will be passed down for years to come!
Love you Grams!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
It Takes Faith...
So often the hubs and I find ourselves talking about our baby... We don't know much of anything about the baby that will come into our lives, fill our hearts with great joy and love, and will make us parents. What we do talk about is typically things that we look forward to doing with baby. Or what life is going to be like once baby has arrived. Typically following our conversation we both become really quiet.
In the times that we are quiet we are both deep in thought and prayer. We pray for baby, his/her birth parents their family and friends and anyone who will be blessed by baby before we get to hold him/her for the first time. Faith is what is getting us through all of this.
One day, it WILL be worth it all.
Love & Laughter,
Annie
In the times that we are quiet we are both deep in thought and prayer. We pray for baby, his/her birth parents their family and friends and anyone who will be blessed by baby before we get to hold him/her for the first time. Faith is what is getting us through all of this.
One day, it WILL be worth it all.
Love & Laughter,
Annie
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
We Knew It Would Be Hard....
We always knew it would be hard to walk the path of adoption, but didn't know HOW hard.
Yesterday we received our first informational sheet on a possible profile showing. Here's the deal though, we had to read through the email (that didn't contain a lot of information, but some) and now we have to make the decision of whether or not to have our profile in the contender's ring. It's hard. EXTREMELY hard.
The hubs and I chatted about it and talked in circles. We prayed about it and then went to bed. Where I proceeded to be up every couple of hours thinking about the situation. Now here I am sitting quietly staring out the windows wondering... thinking... praying. Silently. You just don't know what to do.
We don't want to talk to our families about it. We don't think it is right for our friends to hear about it. This is something that the hubs and I have to deal with together.
Right now... I don't know what we're going to do. You ask, WHY is it so hard? Because of some of the information we received... it's not a cut and go sort of situation. Most of the items on the info sheet sound wonderful, fantastic, perfect actually... but then there is some information that is scary, questionable, provides us with doubt. Now, are they things that if it were a child we were carrying within me we'd be concerned about, absolutely. Would some of the things be even of a question? Nope.
For the protection of this child, I am not going into any detail and that might drive you all crazy, but it is my job as a future mama to protect whomever we bring into our lives and home. For now, we just ask that you pray for this Expectant Mom and all of the families who are being considered for this adoption but most of all, pray for baby. May the life of this child be blessed beyond all measure, may baby feel the love that surrounds them even now in the womb, and most certainly, may this child grow in their life one that is filled with love, joy and happiness. Whether that is in our home or another home. Our prayers today are for this baby!
Love & Laughter,
Annie
Yesterday we received our first informational sheet on a possible profile showing. Here's the deal though, we had to read through the email (that didn't contain a lot of information, but some) and now we have to make the decision of whether or not to have our profile in the contender's ring. It's hard. EXTREMELY hard.
The hubs and I chatted about it and talked in circles. We prayed about it and then went to bed. Where I proceeded to be up every couple of hours thinking about the situation. Now here I am sitting quietly staring out the windows wondering... thinking... praying. Silently. You just don't know what to do.
We don't want to talk to our families about it. We don't think it is right for our friends to hear about it. This is something that the hubs and I have to deal with together.
Right now... I don't know what we're going to do. You ask, WHY is it so hard? Because of some of the information we received... it's not a cut and go sort of situation. Most of the items on the info sheet sound wonderful, fantastic, perfect actually... but then there is some information that is scary, questionable, provides us with doubt. Now, are they things that if it were a child we were carrying within me we'd be concerned about, absolutely. Would some of the things be even of a question? Nope.
For the protection of this child, I am not going into any detail and that might drive you all crazy, but it is my job as a future mama to protect whomever we bring into our lives and home. For now, we just ask that you pray for this Expectant Mom and all of the families who are being considered for this adoption but most of all, pray for baby. May the life of this child be blessed beyond all measure, may baby feel the love that surrounds them even now in the womb, and most certainly, may this child grow in their life one that is filled with love, joy and happiness. Whether that is in our home or another home. Our prayers today are for this baby!
Love & Laughter,
Annie
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Dear Little One...
Yup... 100% true! There are days when I want to throw in a towel and scream. I know though that as difficult this wait is, once baby is in our arms all of this fear, anger, sadness will go away. It's hard to write an update because nothing is happening. People ask us how things are going and we always say the same thing 'we are still waiting'. This wait is the worst. No one can ever understand the feelings that the hubs and I are going through unless you walk this path and walk in our shoes. The fear, the pain and the sadness will all be worth it someday. Until then, I promise we are trying to deal with it but some days we are biter.
So.... why the title of the blog? Because I want to talk directly to our future baby, who we call Little Bean...
Little Bean,
As much as we don't know anything about you right now, we know that we LOVE you! Mommy and Daddy are trying to be patient in waiting to hear about you. We know that the day that we find out you are coming into our life will be the day that our world changes forever. Beaners we love you. We cannot wait to meet you. You will be worth every moment that we have waited for you! Love you little one - Mommy!
Love & Laughter,
Annie
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Back to Work... Back to Reality
Ok, so a couple posts ago I mentioned that I got a new job. (Thanks R!) The job was handed to me on a silver platter. In the beginning of January a dear friend called and asked if I was interested in a teaching position. I hesitated, but in the end said "yes". I thought that it would be a long shot - teaching jobs are 1 in a million in Minnesota.... well to my surprise, after a few times of playing phone tag I got a hold of the Special Ed Director for the district and low and behold she wanted me in for an interview.... the very next morning. DONE.
I went in, met with the director, principal and the case worker for the kiddo that I was being assigned to... the next thing I knew after 10 minutes of talking they offered me the job. Pending a background check (HA! That's in the bag people!)
So, that was that... it all happened in oh 3 days time. My background check took 5 business days, but I was cleared and ready to go. Last Thursday was supposed to be my first day... But with the weather we have been having it CLOSED the school down! So I started on Friday.... Monday and Tuesday the schools were CLOSED. So today, even though I have been under contract for 6 days now will be my 2nd day in the classroom.
I am a High Needs ASD teacher. Right now my caseload is one student who certainly needs the one-on-one attention. It is wonderful! I am loving it already!
But with the weather going to be in the 20's today (This will be a 50 degree swing from yesterday to today!) I am headed back to the classroom.
Nothing much is happening on the adoption front. We are waiting and waiting... and preparing. Whomever it is God has chosen to be our child, we will wait until the ends of our days to bring home. We love you little one, whoever you are!
Stay warm friends!
Annie
I went in, met with the director, principal and the case worker for the kiddo that I was being assigned to... the next thing I knew after 10 minutes of talking they offered me the job. Pending a background check (HA! That's in the bag people!)
So, that was that... it all happened in oh 3 days time. My background check took 5 business days, but I was cleared and ready to go. Last Thursday was supposed to be my first day... But with the weather we have been having it CLOSED the school down! So I started on Friday.... Monday and Tuesday the schools were CLOSED. So today, even though I have been under contract for 6 days now will be my 2nd day in the classroom.
I am a High Needs ASD teacher. Right now my caseload is one student who certainly needs the one-on-one attention. It is wonderful! I am loving it already!
But with the weather going to be in the 20's today (This will be a 50 degree swing from yesterday to today!) I am headed back to the classroom.
Nothing much is happening on the adoption front. We are waiting and waiting... and preparing. Whomever it is God has chosen to be our child, we will wait until the ends of our days to bring home. We love you little one, whoever you are!
Stay warm friends!
Annie
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
The Nursery....
When we moved into the new house, we knew which room was going to become the nursery... We first used it as a dropping ground for any loose boxes that we didn't really had a place for just yet or even ones that we wanted to get out of our sight. Well, it was becoming a disaster zone in that room! With all the events that happened in 2013, we needed something to deliever us a sense of hope and happiness. This room, the way it was, was driving me crazy. The clutter, the mess the UGH!!!! So in December the hubs and I had made the choice to find colors for that room...
A little background is needed... my niece (who is now 6.5 years old!) was a baby when I found a nursery bedding set that I LOVED! So I bought it... it was inexpensive, and I LOVED it! So, I've had it in storage for years and decided to see if we still loved it enough for baby. I pulled it out and sure enough the hubs loved it as much as I did... DONE... CHECK off my list!
So, we were at Sherwin Williams paint store and found a panel of colors that I really liked... brought it home to see if it would even go with the bedding... EACH color was IDENTICAL and matched perfectly to the colors in the bedding. DONE! Another check! Problem though was there were 5 colors. What in the world was I going to do to get all 5 colors up on the wall... WELL...............
We did this....
A little background is needed... my niece (who is now 6.5 years old!) was a baby when I found a nursery bedding set that I LOVED! So I bought it... it was inexpensive, and I LOVED it! So, I've had it in storage for years and decided to see if we still loved it enough for baby. I pulled it out and sure enough the hubs loved it as much as I did... DONE... CHECK off my list!
So, we were at Sherwin Williams paint store and found a panel of colors that I really liked... brought it home to see if it would even go with the bedding... EACH color was IDENTICAL and matched perfectly to the colors in the bedding. DONE! Another check! Problem though was there were 5 colors. What in the world was I going to do to get all 5 colors up on the wall... WELL...............
We did this....
We painted stripes! It was a pain the behind but I LOVE it. It goes perfectly with the bedding! Once we had it painted we put the crib together and 'dressed' it with the bedding.
I couldn't figure out what to do on the other 3 walls though as they were blank white.... UGH! I tried painting them a warm tan color... FAIL - it looked terrible! So, back to white they went. With a fresh coat of white paint we decided to paint random letters in the colors of the stripes.... So we ended up with.....
We obviously need to purchase a few more pieces of furniture, but there isn't a major rush for any of that! I love the way the room has turned out though. It is fun, colorful, unique and almost ready for baby! We will be redoing all of the outlets/switch plates in white, replacing the fan/light and finally adding a dresser/changing table combo, a toy/book shelf/cabinet, a chair and a small table for the lamp etc!
We couldn't be happier with how the room turned out. It is right across from our room and every time we walk past it we both smile, laugh and giggle. We know someday many memories will be made in this room. We will be able to proudly bring baby home to this room!
Happy Tuesday!
Annie
Friday, January 17, 2014
How Adoption Works on Your Heart...
A person's heart goes through so many emotions in a single day. Unless you are truly in-tune with your emotions and almost down to the point of documenting them you wouldn't realize the range of emotions we feel on a daily basis.
After my dad died the craziest feeling that I noticed was the sense of happiness.... NOT because he was gone but because he was no longer in pain... he wasn't laying in bed crying out and suffering. He and I had a conversation the Saturday before he passed away about my future children and how that he promised to be around for them... obviously not physically but spiritually. There is a sense of peace that I have knowing that my dad is looking out for us! Since his funeral I have been hyper aware of my emotions, but the emotions specifically towards the adoption!
So, what have I felt you ask?!
Each day I feel like at one point or another I feel each of those emotions all due to the adoption process. I have decided that in 2014, every single day I am writing to either our future baby or birth mother. It is a way for me to get down on paper what I am feeling, how it feels to be in this position. How each emotion we feel is raw and real and has a proper meaning behind it.
If I were to walking in to the doctor's office and list out all of the emotions above as ones that I feel on a daily basis, I'm pretty sure I would be locked up for observation. But, I ask you all who are or have ever gone through the adoption process, did you not feel these things on a regular basis?
Adoption is truly the MOST unique situation you will ever walk in your life. There is NO other thing like it. People compare it to pregnancy, but there is no way I could ever think of this as a pregnancy.... or even similar to it. I prepare by myself for our child to come into our lives because I do not physically look like I am with child. Let me tell you though, my child/children are growing deep inside of me - I love them more than anything else in this world already. They are in my heart though, not my womb. So, while some women get to wear the 'bump' have other people notice they are going to have a child, wonder and ask questions about their child I silently hold back tears that want to burst from my eyes. I've gotten pretty good over the last couple of years at being able to "fake" happiness around most people!
Yet, here I am more excited about something that will change our lives... my husband is excited! We walk past the baby's newly painted room where the crib is set up and adorns the bedding we want and we just SMILE! That's OUR baby's room.... That room means more to us that a baby.... it gives us HOPE. Something that was ripped from our hearts when infertility came racing in.
Today as I painted the letters that will adorn baby's room I couldn't help but be more and more excited. From wherever he is I know dad is watching out for me and helping the great man upstairs hand pick his next grandchild... our future son or daughter! We love them already so much - now we just wait to love them in person!
Adoption is the greatest opportunity ever given to us. We feel honored to have been chosen to walk the path of adoption. We are stronger every single day because of the adoption process!!
Until next time - Fill your lives with HOPE!
Annie
PS.... I forgot to tell everyone... I got a NEW job... I never applied for it, it kind of fell into my lap! I'll tell you about it next time!
After my dad died the craziest feeling that I noticed was the sense of happiness.... NOT because he was gone but because he was no longer in pain... he wasn't laying in bed crying out and suffering. He and I had a conversation the Saturday before he passed away about my future children and how that he promised to be around for them... obviously not physically but spiritually. There is a sense of peace that I have knowing that my dad is looking out for us! Since his funeral I have been hyper aware of my emotions, but the emotions specifically towards the adoption!
So, what have I felt you ask?!
- Fear
- Happiness
- Anger
- Sadness
- Pure Joy
- Excitement
- Disbelief
- Depression
- Doubt
- Ecstatic
- Guilty
- Sad
- Frightened
- Happiness
- Joy
- Confused
- Irritated
- Confidence
- Jealous
- Anxious
- Hopeful
- Excited
- Happy
Each day I feel like at one point or another I feel each of those emotions all due to the adoption process. I have decided that in 2014, every single day I am writing to either our future baby or birth mother. It is a way for me to get down on paper what I am feeling, how it feels to be in this position. How each emotion we feel is raw and real and has a proper meaning behind it.
If I were to walking in to the doctor's office and list out all of the emotions above as ones that I feel on a daily basis, I'm pretty sure I would be locked up for observation. But, I ask you all who are or have ever gone through the adoption process, did you not feel these things on a regular basis?
Adoption is truly the MOST unique situation you will ever walk in your life. There is NO other thing like it. People compare it to pregnancy, but there is no way I could ever think of this as a pregnancy.... or even similar to it. I prepare by myself for our child to come into our lives because I do not physically look like I am with child. Let me tell you though, my child/children are growing deep inside of me - I love them more than anything else in this world already. They are in my heart though, not my womb. So, while some women get to wear the 'bump' have other people notice they are going to have a child, wonder and ask questions about their child I silently hold back tears that want to burst from my eyes. I've gotten pretty good over the last couple of years at being able to "fake" happiness around most people!
Yet, here I am more excited about something that will change our lives... my husband is excited! We walk past the baby's newly painted room where the crib is set up and adorns the bedding we want and we just SMILE! That's OUR baby's room.... That room means more to us that a baby.... it gives us HOPE. Something that was ripped from our hearts when infertility came racing in.
Today as I painted the letters that will adorn baby's room I couldn't help but be more and more excited. From wherever he is I know dad is watching out for me and helping the great man upstairs hand pick his next grandchild... our future son or daughter! We love them already so much - now we just wait to love them in person!
Adoption is the greatest opportunity ever given to us. We feel honored to have been chosen to walk the path of adoption. We are stronger every single day because of the adoption process!!
Until next time - Fill your lives with HOPE!
Annie
PS.... I forgot to tell everyone... I got a NEW job... I never applied for it, it kind of fell into my lap! I'll tell you about it next time!
Friday, January 3, 2014
New Year... New Something...
Hey Folks,
So the month of December was a tough month in my family's home. On the 12th of December my dad, who was 92, was diagnosed with bladder, liver and lung cancer. Obviously this was a tough blow to all of our world's! We had exactly 13 days left with him.... on Christmas Day at 6:34 pm surrounded by family, being held by my mom, and the hubs holding his hand he took his last breath here on earth!
We celebrated his life on the 29th - with lots of smiles and laughter. It was a fantastic and perfect day to celebrate the man who raised me for 29 years to be an independent, strong, faith-filled woman! New years wasn't spectacular for any of us. The hubs and I spent the night with my mom after putting the siblings on planes for home.
So, now it's the 3rd of January - the last 4 weeks of my life have felt like a blur, but also like I just lived 6 months in those 4 weeks! Now what? Where do we go from here? Well, with the faith that dad is protecting us and loving us from Heaven, I am able to get through each day with smiles and laughter! It's going to be hard for awhile, the hubs and I both are struggling with the grief process... there are times when we close down and go inward, or combust into tears - this is not something that we will "get over" anytime soon. We will be grieving for our loss for a long time. The hardest question to answer is "how are you doing"? How do you think we are doing? We just lost a loved one not even 2 weeks ago. We're not doing ok - but THAT is ok. We are supposed to be like this. We are supposed to grieve. If we don't, we will be in a world of mess later on.
On the night my dad died, I laid in bed and wrote a letter to him... it is amazing knowing that he hears my thoughts and sees my tears! I love you daddy - watch over us - protect us.... and as G promised to you, he will protect the family here! Love you - Miss you!
So the month of December was a tough month in my family's home. On the 12th of December my dad, who was 92, was diagnosed with bladder, liver and lung cancer. Obviously this was a tough blow to all of our world's! We had exactly 13 days left with him.... on Christmas Day at 6:34 pm surrounded by family, being held by my mom, and the hubs holding his hand he took his last breath here on earth!
We celebrated his life on the 29th - with lots of smiles and laughter. It was a fantastic and perfect day to celebrate the man who raised me for 29 years to be an independent, strong, faith-filled woman! New years wasn't spectacular for any of us. The hubs and I spent the night with my mom after putting the siblings on planes for home.
So, now it's the 3rd of January - the last 4 weeks of my life have felt like a blur, but also like I just lived 6 months in those 4 weeks! Now what? Where do we go from here? Well, with the faith that dad is protecting us and loving us from Heaven, I am able to get through each day with smiles and laughter! It's going to be hard for awhile, the hubs and I both are struggling with the grief process... there are times when we close down and go inward, or combust into tears - this is not something that we will "get over" anytime soon. We will be grieving for our loss for a long time. The hardest question to answer is "how are you doing"? How do you think we are doing? We just lost a loved one not even 2 weeks ago. We're not doing ok - but THAT is ok. We are supposed to be like this. We are supposed to grieve. If we don't, we will be in a world of mess later on.
On the night my dad died, I laid in bed and wrote a letter to him... it is amazing knowing that he hears my thoughts and sees my tears! I love you daddy - watch over us - protect us.... and as G promised to you, he will protect the family here! Love you - Miss you!
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