That one word that gets me....

So, ever since starting the process of becoming parents the hubs and I have always talked openly about things we like/don't like as far as the process is concerned. First it was how people treated us or said some things regarding infertility or trying to get pregnant... yadda yadda yadda... if you've walked this road you know what I'm talking about.

Then when we started the adoption process we began to realize that some of the things we used to say were inappropriate and just the wrong way of something something. We have spent the last year of our lives rephrasing some of our words, but we have also worked with others on changing their voice as well. For example, instead of calling a pregnant mama who is looking into adoption the birth mother, we call her the expectant mom, she is STILL that baby's mom, she's not given birth yet, and better yet, assuming her to be a birth mother would be taking away her option of parenting. Another phrase that we have changed in our vocabulary has been 'put up for adoption' NOW we say 'make an adoption plan'. Obviously we are talking about those courageous women who give birth to these wonderful children who then are placed in the arms of an adoptive family. That mother/father/whomever has been involved in that pregnancy have taken the time to think about and plan for this child. They created an adoption plan and that's where the hubs and I come in (some day hopefully) we are/will be the adoptive parents who will have a child placed for adoption with us. There are many other phrases that can make my skin craw

But there is one word that can get me to sweat, turn red and want to boil words from my mouth... It's a word that can make my heart pound in not a good way... my skin crawl and really set me off. Are you wondering yet what that word is? It's CHOSEN. Just typing it has me pounding on my keyboard.

Why would anyone think it is ok to tell a child that they were chosen? Yes, I am choosing to have children. Yes, I am choosing to love them. But by NO means did I walk into a field to search for a child and then pick this one or that one for whatever reason. They are not like animals at the store where I go in and pick one to bring home... They are children, humans, people! I cannot even fathom why in this world of adoption we would think that we are choosing our children. I see it all over pinterest all. the. time. Where someone thinks "hey, this is a really cute sign" and then creates an etsy listing for a "cute sign to hang in baby's nursery"... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of the pieces I have seen recently that have just about thrown me into a tizzy would include...

Yes, because a child who is waiting for their forever family in Africa really want to be taught and to think that they were chosen by parents. All I keep thinking is of a dog store. Please just stop. 

No, my child will NEVER wear this. I think you can understand the hatred I have for this shirt... if you can't message me personally and I will give you my full blown words. 

Then there was THIS one. Oh. Dear. Lord. PLEASE STOP. YES, children who join a family through adoption were wanted (by multiple people, and NOT just the adoptive family, the birth family too!!!), They ARE cherished now and forever but also while they were in the womb! They DO grow in our hearts! Our hearts SWELL with joy and love for these children! Ugh, missing piece? I can't even go there. They ARE loved, and yes, they were adopted. 

What drives me wild is why in the world someone would post this anywhere in the sight of their children. They WERE loved??? How about they ARE loved more than anything else in this world by many people!!!! But as much as my children will know that yes, they came to our family through adoption, ADOPTION is NOT their identity! I will not put it in my children's faces every day of their lives that the hubs and I prayed, planned, waited, cried, payed lots of money or any other fact of adoption. 

Now, some of you before you go and start spouting off to me the Biblical scripture about being adopted. STOP. Wait. Go back and do your digging and study what it means. To be adopted by our Father in Heaven, Christ our Savior and the Holy Spirit. We are without a doubt chosen by God. The day that happened was the day of our baptism. Christ chose each of us to be His! BUT WE DO NOT CHOOSE OUR CHILDREN! We are given the gifts of each of our babies. We cherish them and love them, we don't get to choose them. 

SO, the next time you think about how your child was chosen please don't say it. Think about what you are going to say. 

My children will KNOW that... 

They were hoped for... 

They were wished for... 

They were prayed about... 

They grew in our hearts, not in my womb... 

They are loved by two (OR MORE) families... 

They are the best things in this world.. .

They were worth every minute of wait time... 

They are our greatest blessing.. 

They are our dreams come true... 

Instead of any of the above items adoring my walls at home... someday I may or may not hang something like this in our home... 

This is what my children will know. We love them. 

Be Blessed, 

Annie