That one word that gets me....

So, ever since starting the process of becoming parents the hubs and I have always talked openly about things we like/don't like as far as the process is concerned. First it was how people treated us or said some things regarding infertility or trying to get pregnant... yadda yadda yadda... if you've walked this road you know what I'm talking about.

Then when we started the adoption process we began to realize that some of the things we used to say were inappropriate and just the wrong way of something something. We have spent the last year of our lives rephrasing some of our words, but we have also worked with others on changing their voice as well. For example, instead of calling a pregnant mama who is looking into adoption the birth mother, we call her the expectant mom, she is STILL that baby's mom, she's not given birth yet, and better yet, assuming her to be a birth mother would be taking away her option of parenting. Another phrase that we have changed in our vocabulary has been 'put up for adoption' NOW we say 'make an adoption plan'. Obviously we are talking about those courageous women who give birth to these wonderful children who then are placed in the arms of an adoptive family. That mother/father/whomever has been involved in that pregnancy have taken the time to think about and plan for this child. They created an adoption plan and that's where the hubs and I come in (some day hopefully) we are/will be the adoptive parents who will have a child placed for adoption with us. There are many other phrases that can make my skin craw

But there is one word that can get me to sweat, turn red and want to boil words from my mouth... It's a word that can make my heart pound in not a good way... my skin crawl and really set me off. Are you wondering yet what that word is? It's CHOSEN. Just typing it has me pounding on my keyboard.

Why would anyone think it is ok to tell a child that they were chosen? Yes, I am choosing to have children. Yes, I am choosing to love them. But by NO means did I walk into a field to search for a child and then pick this one or that one for whatever reason. They are not like animals at the store where I go in and pick one to bring home... They are children, humans, people! I cannot even fathom why in this world of adoption we would think that we are choosing our children. I see it all over pinterest all. the. time. Where someone thinks "hey, this is a really cute sign" and then creates an etsy listing for a "cute sign to hang in baby's nursery"... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of the pieces I have seen recently that have just about thrown me into a tizzy would include...

Yes, because a child who is waiting for their forever family in Africa really want to be taught and to think that they were chosen by parents. All I keep thinking is of a dog store. Please just stop. 

No, my child will NEVER wear this. I think you can understand the hatred I have for this shirt... if you can't message me personally and I will give you my full blown words. 

Then there was THIS one. Oh. Dear. Lord. PLEASE STOP. YES, children who join a family through adoption were wanted (by multiple people, and NOT just the adoptive family, the birth family too!!!), They ARE cherished now and forever but also while they were in the womb! They DO grow in our hearts! Our hearts SWELL with joy and love for these children! Ugh, missing piece? I can't even go there. They ARE loved, and yes, they were adopted. 

What drives me wild is why in the world someone would post this anywhere in the sight of their children. They WERE loved??? How about they ARE loved more than anything else in this world by many people!!!! But as much as my children will know that yes, they came to our family through adoption, ADOPTION is NOT their identity! I will not put it in my children's faces every day of their lives that the hubs and I prayed, planned, waited, cried, payed lots of money or any other fact of adoption. 

Now, some of you before you go and start spouting off to me the Biblical scripture about being adopted. STOP. Wait. Go back and do your digging and study what it means. To be adopted by our Father in Heaven, Christ our Savior and the Holy Spirit. We are without a doubt chosen by God. The day that happened was the day of our baptism. Christ chose each of us to be His! BUT WE DO NOT CHOOSE OUR CHILDREN! We are given the gifts of each of our babies. We cherish them and love them, we don't get to choose them. 

SO, the next time you think about how your child was chosen please don't say it. Think about what you are going to say. 

My children will KNOW that... 

They were hoped for... 

They were wished for... 

They were prayed about... 

They grew in our hearts, not in my womb... 

They are loved by two (OR MORE) families... 

They are the best things in this world.. .

They were worth every minute of wait time... 

They are our greatest blessing.. 

They are our dreams come true... 

Instead of any of the above items adoring my walls at home... someday I may or may not hang something like this in our home... 

This is what my children will know. We love them. 

Be Blessed, 

Annie

Sad Heart...

March 17th, another holiday that will never be forgotten... 

It is with a heavy, saddened heart that we said 'good-bye' to my final grandparent... 

Grandma, we love you - we will miss you. Say hi to grandpa for us! We will always remember you for being a kind, generous, independent woman! You taught each of us so many life lessons that will be passed down for years to come! 

Love you Grams! 

It Takes Faith...

So often the hubs and I find ourselves talking about our baby... We don't know much of anything about the baby that will come into our lives, fill our hearts with great joy and love, and will make us parents.  What we do talk about is typically things that we look forward to doing with baby. Or what life is going to be like once baby has arrived. Typically following our conversation we both become really quiet.

In the times that we are quiet we are both deep in thought and prayer. We pray for baby, his/her birth parents their family and friends and anyone who will be blessed by baby before we get to hold him/her for the first time. Faith is what is getting us through all of this.

One day, it WILL be worth it all.

Love & Laughter,
Annie

We Knew It Would Be Hard....

We always knew it would be hard to walk the path of adoption, but didn't know HOW hard.

Yesterday we received our first informational sheet on a possible profile showing. Here's the deal though, we had to read through the email (that didn't contain a lot of information, but some) and now we have to make the decision of whether or not to have our profile in the contender's ring. It's hard. EXTREMELY hard.

The hubs and I chatted about it and talked in circles. We prayed about it and then went to bed. Where I proceeded to be up every couple of hours thinking about the situation. Now here I am sitting quietly staring out the windows wondering... thinking... praying. Silently. You just don't know what to do.

We don't want to talk to our families about it. We don't think it is right for our friends to hear about it. This is something that the hubs and I have to deal with together.

Right now... I don't know what we're going to do. You ask, WHY is it so hard? Because of some of the information we received... it's not a cut and go sort of situation. Most of the items on the info sheet sound wonderful, fantastic, perfect actually... but then there is some information that is scary, questionable, provides us with doubt. Now, are they things that if it were a child we were carrying within me we'd be concerned about, absolutely. Would some of the things be even of a question? Nope.

For the protection of this child, I am not going into any detail and that might drive you all crazy, but it is my job as a future mama to protect whomever we bring into our lives and home. For now, we just ask that you pray for this Expectant Mom and all of the families who are being considered for this adoption but most of all, pray for baby. May the life of this child be blessed beyond all measure, may baby feel the love that surrounds them even now in the womb, and most certainly, may this child grow in their life one that is filled with love, joy and happiness. Whether that is in our home or another home. Our prayers today are for this baby!

Love & Laughter,
Annie

Dear Little One...

Yup... 100% true! There are days when I want to throw in a towel and scream. I know though that as difficult this wait is, once baby is in our arms all of this fear, anger, sadness will go away. It's hard to write an update because nothing is happening. People ask us how things are going and we always say the same thing 'we are still waiting'. This wait is the worst. No one can ever understand the feelings that the hubs and I are going through unless you walk this path and walk in our shoes. The fear, the pain and the sadness will all be worth it someday. Until then, I promise we are trying to deal with it but some days we are biter. 

So.... why the title of the blog? Because I want to talk directly to our future baby, who we call Little Bean... 

Little Bean, 

As much as we don't know anything about you right now, we know that we LOVE you! Mommy and Daddy are trying to be patient in waiting to hear about you. We know that the day that we find out you are coming into our life will be the day that our world changes forever. Beaners we love you. We cannot wait to meet you. You will be worth every moment that we have waited for you! Love you little one - Mommy!

Love & Laughter, 

Annie

Back to Work... Back to Reality

Ok, so a couple posts ago I mentioned that I got a new job. (Thanks R!) The job was handed to me on a silver platter. In the beginning of January a dear friend called and asked if I was interested in a teaching position. I hesitated, but in the end said "yes". I thought that it would be a long shot - teaching jobs are 1 in a million in Minnesota.... well to my surprise, after a few times of playing phone tag I got a hold of the Special Ed Director for the district and low and behold she wanted me in for an interview.... the very next morning. DONE.

I went in, met with the director, principal and the case worker for the kiddo that I was being assigned to... the next thing I knew after 10 minutes of talking they offered me the job. Pending a background check (HA! That's in the bag people!)

So, that was that... it all happened in oh 3 days time. My background check took 5 business days, but I was cleared and ready to go. Last Thursday was supposed to be my first day... But with the weather we have been having it CLOSED the school down! So I started on Friday.... Monday and Tuesday the schools were CLOSED. So today, even though I have been under contract for 6 days now will be my 2nd day in the classroom.

I am a High Needs ASD teacher. Right now my caseload is one student who certainly needs the one-on-one attention. It is wonderful! I am loving it already!

But with the weather going to be in the 20's today (This will be a 50 degree swing from yesterday to today!) I am headed back to the classroom.

Nothing much is happening on the adoption front. We are waiting and waiting... and preparing. Whomever it is God has chosen to be our child, we will wait until the ends of our days to bring home. We love you little one, whoever you are!

Stay warm friends!
Annie

The Nursery....

When we moved into the new house, we knew which room was going to become the nursery... We first used it as a dropping ground for any loose boxes that we didn't really had a place for just yet or even ones that we wanted to get out of our sight. Well, it was becoming a disaster zone in that room! With all the events that happened in 2013, we needed something to deliever us a sense of hope and happiness. This room, the way it was, was driving me crazy. The clutter, the mess the UGH!!!! So in December the hubs and I had made the choice to find colors for that room...

A little background is needed... my niece (who is now 6.5 years old!) was a baby when I found a nursery bedding set that I LOVED! So I bought it... it was inexpensive, and I LOVED it! So, I've had it in storage for years and decided to see if we still loved it enough for baby. I pulled it out and sure enough the hubs loved it as much as I did... DONE... CHECK off my list!

So, we were at Sherwin Williams paint store and found a panel of colors that I really liked... brought it home to see if it would even go with the bedding... EACH color was IDENTICAL and matched perfectly to the colors in the bedding. DONE! Another check! Problem though was there were 5 colors. What in the world was I going to do to get all 5 colors up on the wall... WELL...............

We did this....

We painted stripes! It was a pain the behind but I LOVE it. It goes perfectly with the bedding! Once we had it painted we put the crib together and 'dressed' it with the bedding. 

I couldn't figure out what to do on the other 3 walls though as they were blank white.... UGH! I tried painting them a warm tan color... FAIL - it looked terrible! So, back to white they went. With a fresh coat of white paint we decided to paint random letters in the colors of the stripes.... So we ended up with..... 

We obviously need to purchase a few more pieces of furniture, but there isn't a major rush for any of that! I love the way the room has turned out though. It is fun, colorful, unique and almost ready for baby! We will be redoing all of the outlets/switch plates in white, replacing the fan/light and finally adding a dresser/changing table combo, a toy/book shelf/cabinet, a chair and a small table for the lamp etc! 

We couldn't be happier with how the room turned out. It is right across from our room and every time we walk past it we both smile, laugh and giggle. We know someday many memories will be made in this room. We will be able to proudly bring baby home to this room! 

Happy Tuesday! 

Annie