The Roller Coaster Ride

This sums up what I need to say tonight. Please continue to pray for this precious life, the expectant mom and our journey! I'll write more of the journey to this announcement soon!

Love & Laughter,
Annie

Happenings....

During the month of August the hubs and I decided to take a leap of faith and hire a consultant firm. We are incredibly excited for this opportunity. It was certainly a LOT of paperwork to fill out, but it's all worth it in the end right?

Well, what I can say about our firm that we hired is this... they are AMAZING! We sent in all of our paperwork, mailed in new photo books and updated everything we needed to do and now the wait begins. Or so we thought. We technically will become an "active" family on September 22nd... well I don't know what that means because since last Friday (one week people..) we have had 6 opportunities presented to us and have said "YES" to 5 of them!

On Monday we said "yes" to a situation. On Tuesday we were told she wanted to talk to us - we of course were ecstatic about this. Yesterday during the middle of the day we sat in our office and chatted with this incredibly brave woman. She asked us questions about how we would protect and love the child she is carrying. We poured our hearts out to her. It was an amazing feeling knowing that this woman could change our lives. We left that phone call not knowing what was next. We waited all night to hear from our consultant and we heard nothing. Nada. Do you know how hard it is to sleep with this looming over your head? My heart was filled with such conflict.

This morning we found out that this mom had chosen another family. I'm not going to lie... it hurt and stung. It is only through my faith that I was able to confidently say to myself and the other people around me that I know and believe full well that God has a plan! God is still preparing our child(ren) for us.

So, what is next? The wait continues. We continue to save money and try to be patient. Most of all though, we continue to PRAY. Prayer is what is getting us through each and every single day.


Lord, PLEASE bring us our baby!

4 Months...

4 months has passed since the last time I posted something. 4 months... a LOT has happened in that time. We have been blessed with a new nephew, I finished up my teaching position, I started a new position as a Director of Preschool and a Teacher... there have been many up and down days. Each day we know that it is just another day closer to having our baby in our arms.

Life has certainly been on the move for us, but each and every day we think about and talk about 'baby'. It's 4 months since I last posted something but every day I have things to say and yet here I am 4 months later wondering what I want to say and what I should write. You see, there's this block not in my head... but in my heart. As each day passes we get closer to 'yet another year' gone... Our agency recently sent me some paperwork. Typically I am excited to see emails from our Social Worker but on this particular day I dreaded opening the email. The subject of the email was "home study update paperwork". We are at the point where we now have to fill out even more paperwork to wait even longer.

We know full well when we started this process that it could take a long time. A LONG LONG LONG time. But, we deep down really hoped that it would be quick.

We are trusting in God's timing. He knows full well when our baby will enter this world. He knows when we will finally get to hold that precious life. He knows all. Until then, we continue to pray, hope and dream!

1 Year Mark...

So I wrote this on April 17th and have thought and prayed about whether or not I should post it or not. I know that I am not the only woman who feels these things, who has ever been in this position and I am not hiding it anymore.

The 17th of April is a day that the hubs and I will always remember.... a day that will live with us forever... it was the day that infertility took everything from us. It was a day that we looked to our family for love and support but received a 'it'll be fine' mentality... it was a day that we didn't like. It's a day that lives in infamy with us.

This year though it was a day for us to reflect on where we have come from in a years time. The past year has been a ride to say the least... The hubs and I were able to take the day and talk about things... where we are, where we want to be, what our dreams are, what our hopes are.... and OH how they have changed.

People don't understand it but when infertility invades your world. Your view of happiness changes. Your view of joy is completely different. Life is completely different. One day changed everything for us. Our dreams and hopes have changed. Our marriage has changed. We are stronger, more resilient and much more of a team than we have ever been.

One year.... that's how long it has been since our prayers of 'what if Lord?' were answered. Now we wait. We don't know how long until our prayer of our child(ren) coming into our lives will be. We know that they will be answered. It has been a year that we will never forget. It is 365 days that we will tell our child(ren) all about one day.

Friends, family and those we don't know, we ask for your prayers... pray that when it is God's will to expand our family the hubs and I will be at peace and know the plans that lie ahead of us!

Baby B, we are waiting for you. We love you! We talk about you often. We pray for you constantly. You are incredibly loved. 

Love you - Mama & Daddy!

April 1st...

The joke is over. I am so done with reading this joke on Facebook. Thank God people don't text me about it. Think about what you're writing on Facebook, or any other place for that fact.

No, you may not be the person who has ever held onto a thin strand of a possible pregnancy or a child. You may have not had to have test after test run. You may not have been the one to hold your husband/partner as they cry because words come down that it is him that is making it tough for you to achieve a pregnancy. The reality is, unless you've lived it. You don't think about it.

So, start now. Think about posting fake pregnancy announcements on Facebook before you actually do it. Think about the world of people who are struggling with infertility, the loss of a child, lonliness whatever it may be.

The joke is over in my book. It was and will never be funny. If you are pregnant, you MIGHT think about posting it on another day other than April 1st, but if you are, CONGRATULATIONS! May you be blessed with a healthy baby in your arms!!!

That one word that gets me....

So, ever since starting the process of becoming parents the hubs and I have always talked openly about things we like/don't like as far as the process is concerned. First it was how people treated us or said some things regarding infertility or trying to get pregnant... yadda yadda yadda... if you've walked this road you know what I'm talking about.

Then when we started the adoption process we began to realize that some of the things we used to say were inappropriate and just the wrong way of something something. We have spent the last year of our lives rephrasing some of our words, but we have also worked with others on changing their voice as well. For example, instead of calling a pregnant mama who is looking into adoption the birth mother, we call her the expectant mom, she is STILL that baby's mom, she's not given birth yet, and better yet, assuming her to be a birth mother would be taking away her option of parenting. Another phrase that we have changed in our vocabulary has been 'put up for adoption' NOW we say 'make an adoption plan'. Obviously we are talking about those courageous women who give birth to these wonderful children who then are placed in the arms of an adoptive family. That mother/father/whomever has been involved in that pregnancy have taken the time to think about and plan for this child. They created an adoption plan and that's where the hubs and I come in (some day hopefully) we are/will be the adoptive parents who will have a child placed for adoption with us. There are many other phrases that can make my skin craw

But there is one word that can get me to sweat, turn red and want to boil words from my mouth... It's a word that can make my heart pound in not a good way... my skin crawl and really set me off. Are you wondering yet what that word is? It's CHOSEN. Just typing it has me pounding on my keyboard.

Why would anyone think it is ok to tell a child that they were chosen? Yes, I am choosing to have children. Yes, I am choosing to love them. But by NO means did I walk into a field to search for a child and then pick this one or that one for whatever reason. They are not like animals at the store where I go in and pick one to bring home... They are children, humans, people! I cannot even fathom why in this world of adoption we would think that we are choosing our children. I see it all over pinterest all. the. time. Where someone thinks "hey, this is a really cute sign" and then creates an etsy listing for a "cute sign to hang in baby's nursery"... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of the pieces I have seen recently that have just about thrown me into a tizzy would include...

Yes, because a child who is waiting for their forever family in Africa really want to be taught and to think that they were chosen by parents. All I keep thinking is of a dog store. Please just stop. 

No, my child will NEVER wear this. I think you can understand the hatred I have for this shirt... if you can't message me personally and I will give you my full blown words. 

Then there was THIS one. Oh. Dear. Lord. PLEASE STOP. YES, children who join a family through adoption were wanted (by multiple people, and NOT just the adoptive family, the birth family too!!!), They ARE cherished now and forever but also while they were in the womb! They DO grow in our hearts! Our hearts SWELL with joy and love for these children! Ugh, missing piece? I can't even go there. They ARE loved, and yes, they were adopted. 

What drives me wild is why in the world someone would post this anywhere in the sight of their children. They WERE loved??? How about they ARE loved more than anything else in this world by many people!!!! But as much as my children will know that yes, they came to our family through adoption, ADOPTION is NOT their identity! I will not put it in my children's faces every day of their lives that the hubs and I prayed, planned, waited, cried, payed lots of money or any other fact of adoption. 

Now, some of you before you go and start spouting off to me the Biblical scripture about being adopted. STOP. Wait. Go back and do your digging and study what it means. To be adopted by our Father in Heaven, Christ our Savior and the Holy Spirit. We are without a doubt chosen by God. The day that happened was the day of our baptism. Christ chose each of us to be His! BUT WE DO NOT CHOOSE OUR CHILDREN! We are given the gifts of each of our babies. We cherish them and love them, we don't get to choose them. 

SO, the next time you think about how your child was chosen please don't say it. Think about what you are going to say. 

My children will KNOW that... 

They were hoped for... 

They were wished for... 

They were prayed about... 

They grew in our hearts, not in my womb... 

They are loved by two (OR MORE) families... 

They are the best things in this world.. .

They were worth every minute of wait time... 

They are our greatest blessing.. 

They are our dreams come true... 

Instead of any of the above items adoring my walls at home... someday I may or may not hang something like this in our home... 

This is what my children will know. We love them. 

Be Blessed, 

Annie